First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
