Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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