I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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