The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize