i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
