Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
