I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
