Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
