you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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