i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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