I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
