That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
