The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
