I just made out with a guy for $7.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
