I got chris browned last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
