dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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