So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
