All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
