I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
