He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
