i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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