dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
