Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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