so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
