This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
