flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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