i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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