if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I stole a fireplace last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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