so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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