either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
