Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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