you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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