My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
