Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
