Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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