I wish I only lived at night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
