Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
