please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There r osticjed everywhere
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
