If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
