I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
