he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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