found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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