i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
