It's like God shit irony all over that family
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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