p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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