11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
