Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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