God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
