dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
