I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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