At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
