i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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