my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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