similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
