Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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