no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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