Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
