He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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