I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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