Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
