it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
