I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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