Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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