She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
