But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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