After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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