He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
