How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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