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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  so what did you do?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

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• (914): View more from New York

  Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You said you were "testing the product for Chris."

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a bad man.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  we're so committed to being not committed

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.

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