I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The air taste purple.
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