My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
