Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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